(Blade of )Tyshalle

(no subject)

I'm trying not to be angry or upset, but I know my face is betraying me. The wife's ex bought the boy the super expensive gift for Christmas, again, because he'd rather be his friend than his father.

He has done nothing to deserve this gift, and in fact has been a spoiled brat most of the year (a fact he fails to realize when he, with great irony, derides the kids at school for being spoiled brats).

Neither one of the kids have yet to even greet me or wish me a Merry Christmas.

I am an afterthought to them only, and only desired when they need something and are afraid to ask their piece of shit biological father for it - so clothes, food, money for school, etc. And of course, he doesn't pay child support, and my wife refuses to take him to court for the thousands of dollars he (according to the divorce agreement they both signed and filed with the court) owes us.

I'm so fucking tired of this shit, if there was a liquor store open right now, I'd say fuck the liver disease and down the hatch with as much scotch and bourbon as I could afford.

Fuck this life.
(Blade of )Tyshalle

(no subject)

I don't know why but I've been desperately wanting to ask her a question lately ... Why are you with me? Call it a severe attack of lack of self confidence if it must be labeled.

This morning I wake up and she's not home; she took the kids to school and made breakfast plans, and she has to work at 12 today in St. Louis. I won't see her again until after midnight tonight, when I'm off work.

I'm angry and upset about all this. She could have woke me up and asked me about my work schedule, but didn't. For whatever reason(s).

Instead of telling her all this I'm posting it to this journal that she doesn't know about and internalizing it all like I always do. And to compound matters, I'm force multiplying the depression bender I'm flirting with by watching "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World."

Some days I fucking hate being me.

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(Blade of )Tyshalle

(no subject)

Some days she just doesn't understand at all. Doesn't get it, doesn't see it, doesn't pick up what I'm putting down.

And then I explain it to her, and even though my concerns are legitimate and I feel I have every right to feel this way, I still end up feeling like the asshole.

How's that for a kick in the taint?

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(Blade of )Tyshalle

(no subject)

The woman is so fucking smart, blah blah whatever, is pissed at someone who's not even here, is fucking at work, told her yesterday she had to work, her goddamn car is fucking gone, and it's ALL MY FAULT FOR NOT SAYING SOMETHING!

So now I'm supposed to point out the blatantly obvious shit too.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.